When I first met my boyfriend’s mom, I was excited to make a good impression. I dressed nicely, brought a small gift, and made sure to be polite and friendly. However, despite my efforts, I quickly realized that my boyfriend’s mom didn’t seem to like me very much. She was polite enough, but there was a coolness in her demeanor that made me feel unwelcome.

At first, I tried to brush it off and tell myself that maybe she was just having a bad day or that I was reading too much into things. But as time went on, it became clear that her dislike of me was more than just a passing mood. She would make snide comments about my appearance or my job, or would pointedly ignore me during family gatherings. It was hurtful and frustrating, and I didn’t know what to do.

Understanding the Situation

Analyzing the Relationship

I believe that the first step in understanding my boyfriend’s mom’s dislike towards me is to analyze our relationship. I have noticed that my boyfriend and his mom have a very close relationship, and she is very protective of him. She may see me as a threat to their relationship, or she may be worried that I am not good enough for her son. It is important for me to understand her point of view and try to see things from her perspective.

Recognizing Cultural Differences

Another factor that may be contributing to my boyfriend’s mom’s dislike towards me is cultural differences. My boyfriend’s family comes from a different cultural background than mine, and there may be certain expectations or traditions that I am not aware of. It is important for me to learn more about their culture and try to understand their values and beliefs.

I believe that by analyzing our relationship and recognizing cultural differences, I can start to understand why my boyfriend’s mom doesn’t like me. It is important for me to approach the situation with an open mind and try to find common ground with her.

Dealing with the Dislike

Building Your Confidence

When my boyfriend’s mom doesn’t like me, it can be hard to maintain my confidence. However, I’ve learned that building my self-esteem is important to dealing with her dislike. One way to do this is to focus on my positive qualities. I remind myself of my strengths, such as my intelligence, kindness, and sense of humor. I also try to practice self-care, such as exercising, eating well, and getting enough sleep. When I feel good about myself, it’s easier to handle her negativity.

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Another way to build confidence is to seek support from others. I talk to my friends and family about how I’m feeling. They remind me that I’m a good person and that her opinion doesn’t define me. I also seek out positive affirmations, such as writing down compliments I’ve received or repeating positive mantras to myself. By surrounding myself with positivity, I can better handle her negativity.

Maintaining Your Identity

It can be tempting to change myself to try to please my boyfriend’s mom, but I’ve learned that it’s important to maintain my identity. I remind myself of my values and beliefs and try to stay true to them. I also continue to pursue my interests and hobbies, even if she doesn’t approve of them. By staying true to myself, I feel more confident and authentic.

Another way to maintain my identity is to set boundaries. I communicate to my boyfriend’s mom what behavior is unacceptable and what my limits are. For example, if she is being rude or insulting, I calmly tell her that I will not tolerate that behavior. By setting boundaries, I am able to maintain my self-respect and protect my well-being.

Overall, dealing with my boyfriend’s mom’s dislike can be challenging, but by building my confidence and maintaining my identity, I am better able to handle it.

Communicating Effectively

Choosing the Right Words

When communicating with my boyfriend’s mom, I always make sure to choose my words carefully. This means avoiding language that could be interpreted as confrontational or aggressive. Instead, I try to use words that are neutral and non-threatening.

One strategy that has been helpful for me is to focus on using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, instead of saying “you never listen to me,” I might say “I feel like my concerns aren’t being heard.” This helps to avoid putting the other person on the defensive and can lead to a more productive conversation.

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Another important aspect of choosing the right words is being mindful of tone. Even if the words themselves are neutral, a sarcastic or aggressive tone can still cause tension and conflict. I try to keep my tone calm and even, even if I feel frustrated or upset.

Listening Actively

Effective communication is a two-way street, so it’s important to not just focus on what I’m saying, but also on what my boyfriend’s mom is saying. This means actively listening to her concerns and trying to understand her perspective.

One strategy that has been helpful for me is to practice reflective listening. This involves paraphrasing what the other person has said to show that I understand their point of view. For example, if my boyfriend’s mom says “I’m worried that you’re not serious about my son,” I might respond with “It sounds like you’re concerned about the long-term potential of our relationship.”

Another important aspect of active listening is paying attention to nonverbal cues. This includes things like body language and tone of voice. If my boyfriend’s mom seems upset or defensive, I might try to adjust my approach to be more empathetic and understanding.

Overall, effective communication requires both choosing the right words and listening actively. By being mindful of my language and tone, and by actively listening to my boyfriend’s mom, I hope to build a stronger relationship with her over time.

Seeking Professional Help

If you’re struggling with your boyfriend’s mom’s disapproval and it’s affecting your mental health, it might be time to seek professional help. There are several counseling options and support groups available to help you navigate this difficult situation.

Counseling Options

Counseling can be a helpful way to process your emotions and develop coping strategies. Here are a few counseling options to consider:

  • Individual therapy: Meeting with a therapist one-on-one can help you work through your feelings and develop healthy communication skills.
  • Couples therapy: If your relationship with your boyfriend is being impacted by his mother’s disapproval, couples therapy can help you both learn how to communicate effectively and support each other.
  • Family therapy: Family therapy can be a useful option if your boyfriend’s mom is willing to participate. A therapist can help you all work through your issues and improve your relationships.
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Support Groups

Joining a support group can be a great way to connect with others who are going through similar experiences. Here are a few support groups to consider:

  • Online forums: There are many online forums and groups dedicated to supporting people in difficult family situations. These can be a great way to connect with others and get advice.
  • In-person support groups: Look for local support groups in your area that focus on family issues or relationships. These groups can provide a safe space to share your experiences and get support.

Remember, seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you’re struggling with your boyfriend’s mom’s disapproval, don’t hesitate to reach out for support.


In conclusion, dealing with a disapproving mother-in-law can be a difficult and stressful experience. It’s important to remember that you cannot control how others feel or behave towards you, but you can control how you react to their behavior.

Throughout this article, I have provided various strategies for dealing with a boyfriend’s mom who doesn’t like you. From communication and compromise to setting boundaries and seeking support from your partner, there are several ways to navigate this situation.

Ultimately, it’s important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. If the relationship with your partner is worth fighting for, then it may be worth putting in the effort to improve your relationship with his mother. However, if the situation becomes too toxic or unbearable, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship as a whole.

Remember, you are worthy of love and respect, and no one has the power to diminish your self-worth. Stay confident, stay strong, and stay true to yourself.

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